Metaphors

Everyday I'm amazed at how well cycling has become a metaphor for my life. You have your ups and your downs, you have good sensations and bad ones, you have a tail wind or a head wind. Sometimes life can be like an uphill slog into a head wind and other times you're coasting.

Some days I wake up and I'm just checking the boxes. I'm not really paying attention to the trip I'm on, the scenery, or the good conversation that may ensue - I'm here but not really. I think everyone has these days, but when I get outside I'm forced into the present. I'm forced to pay attention. I'm forced to see myself for what I am in that moment and that's not something I take lightly.

It's hard. Life is hard. Cycling is hard.

But cycling is also fun; life is fun; being myself is fun.

I can't help but feel sad for people who don't embrace themselves once in a while, take everything less seriously just for a minute, especially themselves. It's so fucking easy to be hard on yourself. It's easy to resent. It's easy to be angry. It's easy to let other people get under your skin. It's easy to let people take up real estate in your head.

Experience tells me the hardest things in life are humility, apology, and letting go. I think they are all interrelated.

Some days the hardest thing I have to do is step outside my door and throw my leg over the top tube. Some days the hardest thing I have to do is run some massive experiment with tons of moving parts, coordinating with lots of different people in different time zones and different cultures and simultaneously juggling the associated bureaucratic bullshit.

The bottom line is that some days are easy and some days are hard. Everyday no matter what, is a gift. Being present for that gift, the chain of chemical reactions that leads to consciousness and thus the experience of now, it's pretty fucking awesome. Hands down the best trip I've ever been on, and I've been on a lot of trips.

Some days I have to tell myself it's just going to be an uphill slog into a headwind, no big deal, probability is that I experienced that same feeling on my little jaunt out on the bicycle before work that day - I'm mentally prepared.